Want Belonging? Nurture Your Roots.

Yesterday one of my clients asked me “What next?” She’s doing okay, but she knows that life is like an ocean. There will be another wave. She wants to be prepared for the next one and keep on growing, and she wants a strategy.

So, we have an amazing conversation about roots - growing roots, strengthening roots, and all the yummy and frankly boring sometimes things that Earth energy gives us. And I want to share  some of the ideas that we shared in that conversation because we’re in the season of Earth and it’s a good time to cultivate roots.

Lots of you have made new year’s resolutions. We’re three weeks into the new year, and I bet for most of you, those resolutions have already gone by the wayside. For the average person, the effort to change ends on January 13th. If this is you, I’m talking specifically to you. 

Following through - That’s earth energy. That stick to it, diligence, persistence, and so much more that will allow you to stay with something long enough to get over the hump and get results. 

Before I get into that though, I’d like to ask you to like, share, and subscribe to this podcast. Podcasts rely on listeners to thrive. The more that people listen, like, share, review, and subscribe, the higher the podcast is ranked, which means that more people can find it and benefit, so this is a way that you can help me continue to help you and reach others. Thank you.

So, once upon a time in Africa, a new tax was passed among the animal kingdom and Mr. Zebra was assigned to collect it. When he came to Mr. Bat, Mr. Bat spread out his wings and said, “This tax does not apply to me because I am not an animal. Have you ever seen an animal with wings like this?” 

Not knowing what to say, Mr Zebra went on his way. A short time later, a tax upon birds was issued and Mr. Owl came calling on Mr. Bat. 

This time Mr. Bat showed his fangs and said, “Nope. Wrong again. I am not a bird. Have you ever seen fangs like this?” And once again, Mr. Owl went away.

One day, Mr. Bat got sick and fell to the ground at the base of a tree. No animal came by to visit Mr. Bat. No bird offered to tend him, and that night Mr. Bat died along on the cold, hard ground.

The next day Mr. Fox was passing by and discovered Mr. Bat’s body. He ran to the birds and said, “Your friend has died! You’d better come and bury him. The birds replied, “He’s not our friend. You’d better bury him. Isn’t he an animal?” Mr. Fox said, “Have you ever seen an animal who can fly like that?”

Since Mr. Bat didn’t belong to anyone, they left his body there at the bottom of the tree where it can still be seen today.

This might sound like a crazy story, but when Queen Elizabeth died, my mother sent money to Buckingham Palace for her funeral. It’s a tribal thing. When anyone in the community dies, or anyone who is a respected elder who is a part of an extended spiritual family, everyone pitches in to make sure that the burial is taken care of. They bring food. They see the departed off in style, they mourn, and they take care of the family for the duration of the burial period. 

Other important times, like weddings, are the same. They are community events where everyone is involved and everyone supports. It doesn’t matter if you are in a tiff because someone didn’t repay a loan in a timely manner or someone wasn’t as respectful as they could have been. You do it because you belong to a family or a community, and strong roots are more important than your personal issues.

Now clearly Queen Elizabeth is not a family member, but my mom felt her loss so she didn’t even think twice about sending a card and some money. It doesn’t matter that they don’t need it or that my mom didn’t even know her. She felt a kinship to her, so she did that.

So our ties can be to anything that we identify with and care about. If I nurture my roots to my ancestors, that can be something that anchors me and helps to create my identity. It doesn’t matter if those roots go back fifty years or a thousand. It’s still my blood and like any seed, if it’s nurtured, that bond grows.

Did you see the series Rome? It is about a decade old now, but two of the main characters were soldiers in the Roman military. They belonged to Caesar’s 13th legion. One of them, Pullo, really didn’t have anything else to belong to so when someone made fun of the 13th legion, he went berserk to defend its honor. 

Lots of military people have these same types of ties. If you ever served in the Marine Corps, they consider you a Marine forever. Their motto is “always faithful.” 

When I went to Greece, I was surprised at how patriotic the people are. A lot of them knew a lot about how the Greek language informs a lot of English words today. They are aware of their ancient history and what contributions famous Greeks made to civilization. They can still tell the stories of ancient heroes like the Spartan king, Leonides, who held off the Persian army with only 300 Spartan warriors and 1000 untrained Athenians. 

So what am I saying? I am saying that if you want to belong, you have to know a little something about your roots. What contributions has this group made to you, your society, or your culture? What makes you proud to be a part of them? I’d even go further than that and ask what negative things have they done? How can you use that to stay humble and compassionate? 

How do you contribute to the groups that you belong to? You see, roots aren’t just something that serves you. It’s reciprocal. Just like the story of Mr. Bat. Nobody cared for him because he didn’t want to support any community through paying tax - so he didn’t want to contribute. He just wanted to be left alone. 

I think this is the part that most people miss. It’s not about what a community can give to you. It’s about how do you nurture and sustain each other. If you are in things for what you can get, people can tell. You’re not good company, you’re a customer or a free loader. That’s basically doing a Mr. Bat. 

When you have strong roots, it’s less likely that you’re going to get involved in competitive or jealous quarrels with those who share your roots because your lives are intertwined. If I have an issue with a friend, and we have common friends, we don’t let it spill outside the two of us or ask others to take sides because that could destroy the roots for everyone.

When I was a kid, I lived in a neighborhood where people knew each other and looked out for each other. I can’t really say why it’s still that way today, but if you are from there, there is a kinship and bond with the people you share that life experience with. There is a block party every year, and even though hardly any of us live there anymore, lots of people go back for it every year. I have a bond with those people unlike any other. It was, and will always be something special for me.

High school is the same way. My family actually moved away from the old neighborhood when I was still in elementary school, so this was a different neighborhood entirely, but it’s still very clannish. 

I know this would never fly today, but back in the day, we had a human auction as a fundraiser. The popular teachers and students were sold to the highest bidder and the buyer would most often make them do silly things like take them for a piggy back ride down the hall or eat something disgusting. Of course, it was all consensual. They didn't have to do anything they didn’t want to do. It was a sly way for someone with a crush on the popular guy or gal to have some time with them as well. It was all in good fun.

Today that would be seen as racist, but my high school was integrated and people of all skin tones, religions, and ethnicities participated. I know people get offended when someone says they don’t see race. I get how that can feel like someone is saying, “I don’t see your uniqueness or your culture means nothing to me,” but when it means “I skin color doesn’t separate us,” I think it’s a way to honor each other. Skin color was not a dividing factor at our high school for the vast majority of people because there was much more uniting us. I won’t say that nobody was racist, but it definitely wasn’t the norm. Everybody hung out with everybody. It really did feel like a family.

And the school was adjacent to a predominantly gay neighborhood and some of the students lived there. So, when one of my high school friends came out in 11th grade as gay, it wasn’t a big deal. He asked me to go dancing with him. We went to a gay club, and I still didn’t think anything of it. I just thought we were going for the best music, but when he told me that he wanted to go there to kind of break the ice, it was like he was telling me he could speak German or that he was a natural blonde or something. It wasn’t a big deal. Our human connection was far stronger than any differences. 

My high school was built in the 1930s and I think it always had that very rooted energy around it because every homecoming, people from every graduating class come out for the football game and to see the homecoming king and queen crowned. My freshman year, I was in marching band and was absolutely shocked at how many people who didn’t have a kid at that school was there. And they all knew the fight songs and the alma mater. It really made me feel a surge of pride to belong to something that others clearly cared so deeply about. There was a lineage, and I was an important part of carrying on a tradition. 

Now that I think of it, the state college football team is even more rabidly clannish than that. Football is sacred. When I was a kid, I used to sell newspapers at the football stadium and would make a ton of cash. I’d get there super early and there would already be people waiting to get in, I mean like hours before the game. One hour before the game, it was a complete madhouse. The energy was so insane. I have never been to a world cup game, but I’d imagine it was something like that. There was no such thing as a non college football fan because the team and the marching band represented the pride of the state. They were something special and had a reputation to uphold. I don’t remember a time when they weren’t that. 

I don’t live there anymore either, but all of those roots are still strong. They still hold me steady and because they were there before me and will last after me, it feels like a strong and endless source that nurtures so many.

I love that I grew up in the midwest because everyone is so humble and down to earth. They see and treat people as people. Every time I go back, it hits me afresh, and because I’ve been away a while, I can appreciate how connected, earthy, and just really safe it feels to be there. I grew up in a community. There were lots of circles that weaved in and out of each other. 

I’ve talked a lot about my family on this podcast, and that’s another source for my roots. My father has been into genealogy for most of his life, and we can trace our family back for many generations. I claim all my blood - the light ones, dark ones, rich ones, poor ones, the ones who were successful and adventurous, and those who toiled and suffered. 

Roots can be blood ties, ties to a time, place, religion, school, military branch, hobby, or just about anything. Roots are important to giving us a sense of belonging. When times get tough and we forget who we are, they give us a way to remember. When we want to fly, they give us an anchor so we can always find our way home. I totally credit my sense of adventure and willingness to just get up and go somewhere I’ve never been totally alone to having strong roots. There is nowhere I can go, nothing I can do where I can’t find my way back home. I can’t go so far that I will lose the connection inside of me. I’m always rooted. 

And if your roots aren’t strong, or what you know of your roots isn’t something that makes you proud, you can always grow new ones. Lots of people get uprooted. Think of the war refugees who flee the country, or the Jews after WWII who might not have any family left and had to start over in a foreign land. They had to start over with nothing.

And if you don’t know your people, you can always research and discover old secrets. I lead tours to sacred places all over the world and whenever we go somewhere where I have ancient ancestors, I research. If I can find out names, places where they lived or worked, where did they worship, how did they worship, I visit those places.  I have some ancestors who were tradespeople in Bristol, England. The buildings where they have their offices are still there on Corn Street. It was so amazing to see one of the paths that led to me. 

But you can start your connection to anything. We all like a certain style of music or a band. You can bond with others who like that, too. We all have gender. We can find places where those people hang out. Or a spiritual path. Find people who believe like you do. Or a love of food, travel, hiking, the type of work that you do, or being a parent. The more points of contact that you have, the more roots you can have. It’s all about nurturing those connections and removing barriers.

If you don’t like vegans, Polish people, people who didn’t graduate high school, or people who have a handicap, you’re creating a barrier to Oneness. Roots create belonging. I believe that we are One, and the only way to do that is to embrace everyone. Once I start excluding people, I am creating a barrier to my own Oneness. I know that’s a big ask, so in future podcasts, I will give you some things to think about and some skills to help open your heart to that, if that is your desire. 

And there are some meditations on my new youtube channel that can start breaking down those barriers too. I know. Nobody is perfect and some people can get on our nerves, but finding a way to love them and find something in common with them will help you to feel like your life matters and that you belong to something bigger than just yourself. 

We just had our Chinese new year and new moon in Aquarius bonfire yesterday. There are always people there who don’t know each other and two of the greatest parts of it for me is sitting around the fire singing and having breakfast together. Simple little things like that can make a huge difference in nurturing your heart. 

I have a friend who owns a restaurant and he used to have a party once a month where people who just want to have a good time would come out. So that we could get the most people seated, people sit with strangers and spend the evening with people that they don’t know. We dance and eat family style, and it was always the most heart warming evening. That’s what I am talking about. Go out on a limb. Treat people like family. Open your heart to others. Make roots wherever you can. Even if it’s a contact that you may never see again. 

I often say that I am a turtle and I bring my home on my back wherever I go. This is one of the ways that I do this. So be a turtle. Have a welcome mat on the front step and allow people in. Give them good hospitality. Everyone won’t know how to meet you where you are, but don’t let that stop you. Each one teach one. Be the change. It has to start somewhere.

And if you are searching for a place to being cultivating what I am talking about, come on over to my free tribe. The link is in the show notes. Start talking to people. Share yourself. Everything is easier when you practice, and that’s a safe place to do that.

Thanks, guys, for hanging out with me this week. I appreciate you, and will see you next week.