How to Have a Passionate Life

If you want to live a passionate life, you have to let go of what you’ve been taught. There is lots of programming out there that can put you on a path that actually won’t lead you there.

Hi, I’m Laura Giles with Let It Go Now, a podcast that talks about what to let go of, how to let go, and I feature people who are doing it. At the core of every single one of us is a beautiful, authentic, vibrant light that just wants to shine. And all that stuff that stands in the way of that- well, we just need to let that go.

And today I’m focusing on the dream of living our passion. Who doesn’t want that? If you could wake up every day full of energy and enthusiasm for living your life, would you want that? Of course you would! 

There are so many courses for finding out what will do that for you, but here’s the thing. That’s like chasing the end of a rainbow because you’re never going to get there if you take some test that confirms that yep, you’d make a great realtor or beachside bar owner or a teacher because living a passionate life is more simple than that and also not that simple. And in this podcast, I will explain why.

So, here is how the typical course goes. It starts with some type of test. Let’s say it’s an archetype test, and you find out that your archetype is a Fool or a Joker. The Fool is simple, wise, and uses humor to teach. They are Hedonistic liminal creatures who exist between this world and that one. They are carefree, cheerful, unpredictable, sometimes drunk, and they are really good at disrupting the world order so that change is possible. They can make people laugh at themselves, and they are the only ones who can tell hard truths to people who don’t want to hear them.

So, now you have a snapshot of who you are and what you’re good at. From there, you get a list of ways that this archetypal energy can be used. So this works well in careers like writers, comedians, singers, artist, criminal, rebel, community organizer, lawyer, salesman, or speaker. 

And you get a list of qualities in your ideal market. For example, your ideal client likes to laugh, be spontaneous, and doesn’t take life too seriously. 

And now you have a template that you can use to create this passionate life. 

That’s the box. What we talk about at Let It Go Now is getting out of the box. Just destroying the box altogether. A box is always a box. People can be like hermit crabs who go from one shell to another. To improve upon that habit, we move from one shell to a bigger shell and call it growth. 

There is a different way. 

One thing that I knew intellectually but didn’t fully grasp until covid is that humans are liminal creatures. We stand between heaven and earth. We are both spiritual and physical, and neither at the same time. This is what I mean by getting out of the box. When we choose a box, we limit ourselves. We box ourselves in. Letting go means letting go of all of that.

So while it’s helpful to have some parameters and to be able to label some things and nail them down, I wouldn’t get stuck on that.

Instead trust your gut. Look at what you are already doing and what you have already done. What did you enjoy? I promise you, you don’t have to look outside of yourself for this information. You do what you enjoy doing, so what is that?

Let me tell you my story. When I look over my work life, at first glance, I don’t see a whole lot in common. My first job in college was a truck driver. Then I became a professional dancer. And in fact, when I talked about my passion, I always said it was dancing. I have been taking people to sacred places for over twenty years. I work as a trauma therapist and transformational coach. Those all look really different, don’t they?

So, if I were ever going to start over, how could I use this to go in a direction that would most likely lead to living a passionate life? Well, let’s look at what these things have in common.

I really loved being a courier because I had a lot of freedom. I was not micromanaged and got to make my own decisions. Every day was different. I didn’t work many hours, and had enough money to pay my bills, go to school, and still have time to socialize. I also participated in a management project where I facilitated teams that worked together to accomplish goals for the company. The secondary part of that was that it nurtured leadership within the company both for me and the people I was leading.

Okay, with dancing I was self-employed so I called all the shots there. If I didn’t want to do a job, I didn’t have to. If I wanted more money, I’d have to hustle and get more work. I loved the creative part of it, and every gig was different. I was a belly dancer for Arabs. My very first job was an Afghan/Egyptian wedding, and they were very grateful to have a dancer who helped them feel like they were at home. So, even though I am not Middle Eastern, I felt a connection to my clients and felt like I was a part of their amazing experience. Hiring a belly dancer isn’t cheap, so I was well compensated, but the appreciation that I got was as meaningful to me as the money. I also taught dance, so that was a way of sharing what I loved with others.

With the spiritual travel, that started because I had an amazing experience and wanted to share it with others. The more they appreciated it, the more I wanted to share it. It is a business, so I am paid for that. Every trip is different because there are different people, and because we grow, you know? So even if I go to the same destination, it changes as I change. The really transformative experiences that we have are special because they are always the kind of things that no one outside of the group could really understand, so the group bonds. That’s always unique and meaningful. 

Now with trauma therapy and coaching, my website has always said that I help hard-to-help people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I was an intern, my boss gave me the hard cases. Funny thing was that I liked those clients the most. I like a challenge. If I see something I don’t understand, I learn about it. It makes me better at what I do. And since people are typically at their lowest when they come in for services, they are open and vulnerable which makes the human to human connection easier and more true, which I always love. Every day is different. Every client is different, and I feel appreciated by most of my clients. I can see the change in them. I know that I make a difference, but what lights me up is that they function better. They are happier, so when they shine that light, it is like the sun. It shines for everyone.

So, now you have an overview of my work life. Since a third our our day is spent sleeping, and a third of our day is spent working, it makes sense to engage in work that lights you up if you want to have a passionate life, right? 

So how would I remake my work life, if I were starting all over given that all these things look so different? Well, they really aren’t all that different. What did I do in all of them? Well, a common thread is that all of these jobs were intellectually stimulating and gave me the means to grow. I was learning something new all the time. Another thing that they all have in common is that I was giving back. And the third thing that they all have in common was that it’s always changing. 

Now, if my passion report said I am a Joker and I should be a comedian or a speaker, do you see how much more narrow that is than what I’ve done in my life? I’ve been happy in all of them. 

So, passion is not about the job title. The job is the arena in which you play, but it’s not the thing that is creating the passion. YOU are creating the passion. And if the arena gives you the basic building blocks where your passion can emerge and flourish, then it’s a good arena. But the most important part of the equation is you.

If you know your strengths and needs, you can set yourself up to live passionately. But you’ve also got to have skills.

But let me tackle that first part first - your strengths and needs.

If I am not good at speaking, woodworking, or selling, I am going to have a hard time doing it at first, right? Strengths come from repeated use of skill that gets increasingly better. If you do something sloppy over and over, it’s not going to improve, but if you have good instruction, are mindful, and self-correct as you go, you can become good at anything. 

Knowing what you are good at is an indicator of what you are passionate about.

Your needs also indicate what will create a sense of passion within you. There are 6 emotional needs. Before I get into them, let me give credit to Tony Robbins for this information. I don’t know if he came up with this idea, but he’s who I first heard it from. But those emotional needs are safety, novelty, connection, contribution, significance, and growth.

I’ve enjoyed all of my jobs, but which one did I say I was passionate about? It was belly dancing, right? I got paid well, so that’s the safety. Every show was different, so that’s novelty. I danced for and with other people, so that’s connection, but more than that there was an emotional connection to my audience because it wasn’t just a show. It was a way to help them feel like they were home again, so that’s contribution, too. I was always appreciated, so that’s significance. And it’s a creative art, so there was always growth.

So dancing hit all of my 6 emotional needs. When you find something or someone that does that, you have something that brings out the passion in you. You have an arena where the passion that is inside can flourish.

When my sister was in between jobs and was saying she didn’t know what to do next, I was like, “What do you mean you don’t know what to do! Do what you’ve always done, and what you apparently love to do! You’re great at creating safe spaces for others to flourish. You’re great at mentoring, bringing folks together, creating something out of nothing, and bringing ideas to life. What can you do that capitalizes on those strengths?” 

It’s a lot easier to see when we’re looking at someone else, and harder when it’s us, but I think people get too narrow. They think in terms of jobs rather than skills. They think in terms of money and perks rather than emotional needs. Money is important, but if you are doing something that goes against your values or something that you absolutely hate, it’s hard to be passionate about it, isn’t it?

When I was in high school, I couldn’t dream of doing a 9-5 where I was in an office all day. I revolted. I didn’t take typing because I said, “I’m not going to be typing all day.” And in fact, for the tiny bit of time that I worked in that type of environment, I slowly died a little every day. 

I didn’t have the language that I just used to say that I knew that the sameness went against my high need for novelty. I wouldn’t have felt that I was contributing in any meaningful way. There was no growth in doing the same thing every day. I couldn’t feel significant doing that, so that was the worst type of job for me because none of my emotional needs were met in that environment and I didn’t have the space to change it.

I’m not criticizing the environment or the work that anyone does. Some people thrive in places where it’s the same and predictable every day. It just wasn’t for me. 

So there are many things to think about when creating a passionate life. You have to have the environment where it can blossom and the permission to do that, and you also have to have the skills. And these are life skills. These are things that you need to succeed anywhere in life. 

It doesn’t make sense to change jobs or start a business if your foundation isn’t strong. The chance of succeeding is low if you don’t have these skills. 

This is why the path at the Let It Go Community is Ready, Release, Renew. You don’t just decide to jump out of a plane and then jump. You get some instruction first so that you can jump safely and make it to the ground in one piece. Lots of us who are contemplating changes don’t need to paint the yellow wall blue. We need to redo the whole house, tear the house down, or move to another one. So, there is some skill building that needs to happen, right? 

Once you have skills, then you can let go or release.

Once you get to the ground, or tear that wall or house down, it’s time to integrate the changes so that something new can happen. 

I know lots of people who have gone through plant ceremonies - so I am talking ayahuasca, rape, psilocybin, and Iboga. They had an amazing experience, and then nothing really changes in the big picture. Why? It always comes down to 3 things; they don’t have the foundation to really change, they don’t have the skills to change, or the change was superficial. It happened on a mental level, but not really holistically so they can’t hold on to it. 

So they do it again. And again, and again, and nothing really changes. 

There is no substitute for doing your own work, guys. Sorry to break it to you. Your fairy godmother isn’t going to wave a magic wand over you and make it all better. Humans have free will, and it’s up to us to create the life that we want. Life is what we make it.

That’s why this podcast is called “how to live a passionate life” and not “how to find your passion.” Your passion isn’t outside of you. It’s not something you have to go get or find. You can use tools like the 6 emotional needs and a strengths finder test to help you narrow down ways your passion has the best venue to shine, but the shining part is up to you.

Being in an office 8 hours a day would be very challenging for me, but if I were a belly dancer with low self-esteem who couldn’t regulate my own emotions and had a really poor self-care routine, I’d still have a hard time living passionately because I’m having a hard time with the basics of living. There are a lot of things I need to let go of before that wonderful light inside could shine. See what I am saying?

I might find the perfect partner who meets all my emotional needs, but if I can’t meet my own needs, how will I ever be an equal? I will always be dependent upon him to fill me up. And that would have to get tiring at some point to be in such a lopsided relationship.

I might find a job or create an enterprise that fits my personality, strengths, and emotional needs, but if I can’t motivate myself to get out of bed, or if I get a panic attack when something goes wrong, I won’t be able to sustain it.

So a passionate life cannot be built on sand. That’s that “ready” part of the Let It Go Now community. You have to be ready for it. You have to give is a firm foundation.

So start where you are and grow from there. Everything grows from practice. Think about what lights you up. What do you do? Not a job, but how you show up. What happens when you show up? For me, I show up in places that are stimulating, challenging and new. When I show up I give and what I get in return grows me. So my most important emotional need are - growth, contribution, and novelty. I give them to myself.

I talked about my sister. So, let’s use her as another example. She shows up in places where people are hungry to learn or create. When she shows up, she gives and nurtures. I haven’t run this by her, but I would say her most important emotional news are growth, contribution and connection. She gives them to herself. 

We both get them from others, but we are not relying upon others to do something for us. We are not relying on them to tell us that we’re good people, smart, appreciated, or any of that. The connection and significance are a byproduct of being there, not the reason for being there. Are you starting to follow me?

So, think about what lights you up. Where do you feel most inspired or alive? What is it about that environment that gives that to you? 

What do you spend your time thinking about or doing?

Who are you with when you feel most motivated, safe, touched, or excited? What do these people have in common? 

These are all head questions that can lead you to certain conclusions, but don’t forget your heart. Passion is a feeling. Your head can give you ideas, but if they don’t touch your heart, you’re not going to feel what you’re after, which is to feel alive, motivated, and maybe even a bit driven, right? 

So, you have a place, a person, or a thing that brings out your warm and wonderful genuine self. Practice being there. Let yourself feel that feeling. Notice what takes you out of it. 

That’s the thing you need to let go of. Do you experience self-doubt, negativity? Do you tell yourself that it’s not possible? Do you limit your imagination by sticking to what’s conventional or what people expect? Are you stuck inside your comfort zone? Are you pessimistic? 

The way to have a passionate life is to let your passion flow. Cultivating people and situations that make that more likely is what supports it, not what creates or sustains it. Your inner juices do that.

So, what makes you juicy? If you’re not used to feeling passionate, start small so that it’s safe and doable. I really love amazing food. I can’t help letting out appreciative moans or squeals when the food is just that good. When I was in Rome, my friends and I went to Giolitti for gelato. Now, let me tell you, you’ll know you are there because there is a crowd of people waiting to get in so be prepared to stand in line. Then you have to walk past this enormous case of the most delectable offerings your eyes can spy. It’s hard to only choose just one thing, so do yourself a favor and have two, but make sure that one of them is gelato. I cannot say what is so spectacular about this, but it makes your eyes roll back in your head it’s so good. I slowed down to savor every lingering bit of it. It was just so amazing. 

When I am eating Giolitti gelato, I get all in my feelings and adore everything and everyone. I feel like I could leap across rooftops and dance in the rain.

And that’s all because of gelato. It’s a simple pleasure.

Oprah Winfree said, “Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” I agree. Simple right? 

Being under starlight has a different but equally awesome impact. I love looking up on a clear night, but especially if there is a chance of seeing meteors. Sirius is 8.6 light years away as the crow flies. That’s more than I can wrap my head around. It takes me into worm holes of thoughts that are insanely complicated and delicious. Contemplating how big, long lived, and awesome space is keeps me humble. I feel so small and still so awesome to belong to a universe that is all that. So that’s passion, too, but in a very different way, and from a very different source.

As for people, I love being around visionary people who have eccentric and novel ideas, but also have the experience or knowledge to speak intelligently and the know how to bring those ideas to life. 

I love people talking to people who can connect the dots in humorous ways. I have an acquaintance who says the most off the wall things. Her mind goes in really strange and entertaining places that makes me feel like a kid when I am with her. She’s so funny. She breaks through stereotypes and conventional wisdom in a way that just blows me wide open. 

I also like being with people who are vulnerable, open, and available. People with no artifice are safe people. They are comfortable people. Around all these types of people, I feel alive, connected, grateful, and passionate.

So, I’ve shared lots of things that bring out the passion in me and they are all within my control. So if I want to live a passionate life, here are some of the things I can create space for:

• delicious food
• time alone with the night sky (or Nature in general because all of Nature does this for me)
• work that is varied and challenging
• learning
• teaching
• listening to others
• giving to others
• connected social time

All that is pretty easy to achieve, isn’t it? There is nothing on the list that says I have to drive a Porsche, make a million dollars, or be with the hottest guy on the planet to feel passionate. It’s not about stuff or anything that is not within my control. It’s really about knowing myself, giving myself what I need, being myself, and sharing myself. If you want an easy formula - there is it. It’s one I have used with clients for decades. The big picture is know yourself, love yourself, be yourself, share yourself. Super simple.

And let go of all the stuff that is not you.

If you are passionate about cleaning, cooking, taking care of your kids, having conversations that get work done, and taking care of your mind, emotions, spiritual self, and body, you will have a passionate life. Passion is what you feel, and it shows up in what you do. 

Life is reciprocal. If you are with people who give it back to you, you maintain your supply. If you do things that give that feeling back to you, it never runs out. If you give it to people, places, and things that drain it, it will take a lot of energy to stay there. If you need others to give it to you, good luck with that. That strategy doesn’t work so well. And if you have poor life skills and habits that derail you, that is a challenge too.

At Let It Go Now, we’re about working effectively, which generally takes us back to the foundation. So, if you’re struggling with passion, I’d start there. And surround yourself with passionate people. Passion is contagious. That’s what I mean by talking to funny, vulnerable, and eccentric people. I love their ideas. They give me ideas and then I share those ideas and it just keeps going around.

That’s the beautiful thing about passion. It can’t be contained. It has to be shared, so when someone passes it to you, don’t drop the ball. Give it away, so it keeps the love chain going. Make something with it. Don’t let it drown in procrastination and fear. Let it manifest. If it only manifests as a sly smile that is between you and the sky, that’s enough. It doesn’t have to be a whole fireworks display. A tiny spark of joy can light up the whole sky.

So, if you have a block that is standing in the way, let’s connect. Getting baggage out of the way is what I do. It’s what I love. I would love to see you in fire. Like I said, it’s contagious so more means more for everyone.

If you haven’t listened to Brigadier General Marlon Crook’s podcast yet or Art Wheeler’s, you can check that out and see how other people live their passion. I have more guest podcasts where people share what they have had to let go of and how their passion is manifesting. It’s useful to hear other people’s stories. It can help us get out of our box and think differently. Art Wheeler is a full time composer and musician who has made music for silent films, done film scores, and created orchestral music. That’s not what a lot of people think about when they think of a life as a musician, but it’s what he loves doing. 

I have an upcoming podcast with my sister who has created something new because she loves it and saw a need for it. Another upcoming podcast with Heather Younger talks about another innovative way to share her passion and experience with the world. So you don’t have to follow anyone’s path but your own. Love yourself enough to do that for yourself. And let go of the things that stand in the way of pulling the trigger.

I want to see you succeed and light up the world. If you like the podcast, please subscribe and share it. It helps to improve the show ranking so more people can find us. Thanks, guys. I’m Laura Giles. see you next week.