Hey, Listen! The Call to Adventure Beckons!

So, it happened again yesterday, and it’s more and more common. I talked to someone who had a problem that couldn’t be solved. There was nowhere to go and nothing to do except to let it all go. 

 

Hi, I’m Laura Giles with “Let it Go Now” a podcast that talks about how to let go of the things that stand in the way of your greatness, happiness, wealth, authenticity and all the wonderful things that make you you. I specialize in helping people break through their blocks and together we will find and neutralize them.

 

Today I am talking about the call to adventure because it’s typically a call to let go of everything, and that is something that we aren’t trained to do and lots of us don’t want to do. Most of us have many voices in our head that tell us to hold on, see things through, and work things out. That’s great advice. We all need perseverance. And for every yin there is a yang, so there are times when conventional wisdom isn’t the best choice. 

 

That’s how we get into these situations of not having any choice. We hold on too long. We end up in a metaphorical desert or in the middle of the ocean where no matter how long we paddle and tread water, there is no change. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the dead end job, relationship that won’t change, or the addictive behavior that keeps getting you into trouble.

 

Every good story has a call to adventure, and if you are not hearing it or heeding it, you’re not living. So, I’m beckoning you to let go of your comfort and apathy and get off the couch. Live!

 

All stories start in innocence. It’s an everyday existence where things are normal, typical, no surprises. And then something happens that we can’t ignore. It either happens around us, and that is the inciting event, or to us personally, which is a call to adventure.

 

So an inciting event could be the police brutality events that kicked off Black Lives Matter or the reversal of Roe V. Wade. It didn’t happen to most of us personally, but it moved many of us to action. 

 

It doesn’t have to be something that captures national or worldwide attention, though. It could be that your dad dies, and while looking through his things, you find an old photo of a woman from long ago that you have never seen before in his wallet. That sets you off on a quest to find out who she is so that you can know him better. It’s like the Bridges of Madison County when the kids read their mom’s will and find out that she wants her ashes spread on a bridge instead of being interred with their father. 

 

The call to adventure is personal. It happens to you. So, reading their mom’s journal or letter, I don’t remember, but it was her explanation for why she wanted her ashes scattered at the bridge, led to her daughter having a call to adventure. The daughter examined her own life, and said, “You know what? My husband is a good man, but I need more than this. I am settling for less, and at the end of the movie, she leaves him.” THAT’S a call to adventure. It’s that big or small voice that says, “Wake up! Opportunity is knocking!”

 

It actually happens pretty frequently on my sacred travel journeys. It happened to me in my first trip to Egypt. It’s why I started the whole spiritual tour business. I never felt so alive and connected to humanity - even though they were foreign people, the land - even though it was a faraway land, music, food, the air that I was breathing, or life itself. And I wanted to share it. It’s taken me on an adventure that has lasted more than twenty years. It changes me and challenges me every time.

 

So the call to adventure is an invitation to change your life. And as I was saying at the beginning of this podcast, so many don’t hear it and don’t heed it.

 

I have more and more clients who are metaphorically in a situation where they are isolated, alone, and have nowhere to go. There are no options. They are adrift at sea, on a deserted island, in a straight jacket, or in some type of situation where they either can’t move, or moving in any direction doesn’t create any change.

 

This is because they have been either doing nothing, ignoring the problem, or doing the same ineffective thing for so long and are waaaaaayyyy off course. Basically, they are turning down the call to adventure and avoiding living.

 

Life’s saying, “Hey, let’s quit this job” or “Hey, go talk to that girl” or “Hey, you always wanted to do that thing” and they are choosing safety. They are staying small, thinking about that retirement account, not wanting to get hurt, or listening to that voice inside their head that is saying, “You can’t do it. You don’t deserve it.” or some such invalidating thing.

 

Guys. Take it from me, a past life regression facilitator. Most of us live the same lives over and over again. The faces change, but it’s the same relationship. The details change, but it’s the same hang ups. There is nothing wrong with that. You can live your life however you want. 

 

But since you are here, don’t you want to live fully?

 

I’m sure you’ve heard me say that life is a circle. It starts in spring with birth, then we move to maturity in summer, decline in fall, death is the doorway that leads to rest, rejuvenation, and gestation. Then we do the whole thing all over again.

Except most of us aren’t doing that. Most of us are either trying to hang on to our youth - so spring. Or stay at our maximum ripeness of summer. We do everything we can to stay young, fresh, unblemished, unhurt, untested, and at the top of our game or in our comfort zone. The only way to be an adult is to take chances, leave the nest, and do things. Maybe they are wild things, the wrong things, really amazing things, or solitary things.

 

Striking out could mean leaving behind everything that you were taught to believe in, everything that gives you roots and makes your life meaningful, but it’s the making of you. Life is meant to be an adventure. There is no way to mature without adventure. If you stay in safety the whole time, obeying the rules, staying inside the lines, and never getting a scar or wrinkle, you don’t live. You remain your mama’s baby and might as well be in a cage or under glass. And if you revert to a child around your parents, I am talking to you! 

 

Innocence doesn’t last. Something always happens, in fairy tales and in real life, to threaten the belief that life is idyllic and safe. In Bambi, it was losing his mother. This realization that life isn’t perfect and always happy is our call to adventure. This is the thing that sets us on the road to growing up and being our true selves. Everybody has a primal wound that can either be the making of us or the thing that keeps us small.

 

The call to adventure is a way of saying, “I don’t know what’s out there, but I have to find out. I may not make it, but if I get through, I won’t be the same. I will have proven myself.” So, it’s something we all have to do, and can only do alone. 

 

Let’s look at some ways that the journey can go wrong if you either don’t say yes to the call to adventure or if you don’t have good guidance for the journey.

 

The first thing that can happen is a pretty modern twist on the formula, and that is that you don’t hear the call to adventure at all. The wounding comes from something that hurts, and if your parents were so good at removing all of your obstacles, there is nothing for you to do. Life’s pretty cushy. We used to call this the Poor Little Rich Kid syndrome.

 

If you get awards for participating, you don’t experience the struggle of earning victory. If your parents give you everything you want for your birthday, you don’t learn delayed gratification or to do for yourself. If you don’t have to contribute to the care and upkeep of your home, you don’t learn to value contribution. 

 

If you’re too comfortable and like that comfort, there is no reason to answer the call to adventure. What it is going to give you that is worth more than you already have? 

 

I have lots of clients today who complain about kids who don’t want to do the dishes or aren’t thoughtful or caring. They wonder why they have such uncooperative, self-centered kids, and in most cases, it’s because they have done too much for them. The kids are entitled. 

 

These kids think that money grows on trees, homes clean themselves, presents buy themselves, and dinner cooks itself because everything is done for them. If they make a mess, mom cleans it up. If they lose something, dad will get them a new one. If they wait until the last minute to do something, mom fixes it so it doesn’t matter. If they need something, they can create a go fund me and some generous strangers will help them to get it. If it’s someone’s birthday, mom buys the presents for them.

 

There is no pride in working things out or motivation to work. Not to mention that 

life’s been too easy so they don’t know how.

 

Carl Jung said, “Nothing affects the life of a child so much as the unlived life of its parent.” And I think the idea of giving our kids the advantages that we didn’t have is a natural, well-intentioned thing to do, but humans need to struggle. Kids are resilient. It’s the struggle that helps us to heal the primal wound and that sets us up to have the strength to be who we are. 

 

When we vow to never be like our parents and do the exact opposite, it’s actually perpetuating the same energy because they are opposite sides of the same coin. If your parents were strict and you are lenient, your kids are having the same struggle, just the other side of it. If your parents told you nothing, so you tell them everything, it’s the same thing. Same with being unaffectionate and showering them with affection, or not being involved and being overly involved. 

 

This is what creates intergenerational trauma. It’s not an effective way to deal with the problem. You have to step out of it, and let go of the whole system, not just move from one extreme to the other.

 

Death is a part of the wheel, and we are scared to death of dying. Dying is normal. If your child self doesn’t die, your adult self cannot be born. This is what rites of passage are all about.

 

Let’s think about this, okay? In cultures that have rites of passage, there is no doubt when a girl becomes a woman. For girls, the timing is biological, but it’s also social. When she is able to bear children, her status among society changes. Everyone recognizes this and treats her differently. There are different expectations of her. She has privileges that she didn’t have before and has to leave other things in the past. 

For boys, it is often life or death. They have to do something really brave and arduous to prove their manhood. They have to fight a lion, survive in the wilderness alone for a while, or dive off a cliff. Everyone doesn’t get to marry and have a family. If you don’t pass the test, you don’t get to have the rights or responsibilities of a man. You may not even have a place in the society at all because much is required of the men. You have to be dependable because everyone else is relying on you to pull your weight and show up when needed. If you don’t know who you are and what you’re capable of, you could choke. And when the community is small, there is too much at risk to have your ability questioned in a time of need. So the boy has to die so the man can be born.

 

But what do we have? Getting your driver’s license? Graduating? People are living with their parents when they are 25. Some parents pay for their kid’s living expenses until they graduate from college or even beyond. I knew a woman who was paying for her married 35-year- old son’s cell phone bill! 

 

I was chatting at the grocery check out line once with a woman who was giving me her background history, and she was saying that she had an 18-year-old daughter who couldn’t possibly go to college out of state because she wasn’t ready. If she’s not ready, that’s a failure of parenting. Why isn’t she? The average age of the Vietnam soldier was 19. If someone can die for us at 18 and 19, her daughter should be able to live on her own away at college.

 

But she’s not unique. How many kids go away to college and fail out their first year? Tons. I know some of them personally! They can’t handle the class work load. They can’t manage their lives, so the everyday stuff like laundry, cleaning the house, making food, and paying bills. They can’t handle their own emotions. 

So, what are we doing here? What is childhood about if not to learn how to do those things? If we can’t do those very basic life skill things, how are we ever going to face a trial like the call to adventure? 

 

This is why so many of my clients are in situations where there is nothing to do but completely let go and transform. They spent too long ignoring the call, ignoring the work, distracting themselves from the pain or the work that has to be done until they can’t ignore it anymore. 

 

We all have to find our own way. We have to pull our own weight. Giving your kids everything or living in the comfort of your family home is just delaying the maturation process and the self-discovery process. You have a voice. Find out what it is that you want to say. 

 

And since we’re on this topic, let me side bar for a moment and give a little warning. There isn’t a right or wrong way to do your life, but what I see in a lot of pale people is that they are seeing the wrongs of their ancestors - meaning slavery, racism, and cruelty - and wanting to disassociate themselves from that legacy. So they are reaching back to a golden time in their ancestral history where they can feel some pride again. And they are claiming to be Vikings, Druids, and shaman, and things like this.

 

It is what it is. If this is you, so be it. But if it’s not, be careful of spiritual bypass. Don’t live someone else’s life because it looks cool.

 

Throughout history, regardless of our spiritual or cultural ancestry, most of us were the lowly 90% peasant farmers. We weren’t magicians, seers, kings, or priests. Claiming to be a part of the elite might be a sign that your wounded child wants to feel significant, and that could be a way to actually avoid the call to adventure. 

 

So let’s talk about what the call to adventure looks like, so you know it when you see it. It is all around you. It’s in every great story there is. In the movie Schindler’s List, Oscar At the beginning of the movie, Schindler is all about women, money, bling, and pleasure. His call to action comes when he realizes that Jews are being exterminated. He has no idea what it will cost him to help them, and doesn't know where that road will lead - people who are caught helping Jews are treated like Jews. And he knows that he cannot refuse. 

 

The process of living through the Holocaust changes him forever. He literally saved 1,200 lives. So, do you think he was changed by that experience?

 

In West Side Story, Tony gets a call to adventure when he sees Maria for the first time. He knows she is forbidden fruit by both their cultures, and yet he cannot refuse the call. He has to meet her. That kicks off a series of events that impact their whole community.

 

For a more low key example, in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, the highlight of Gilbert and Arnie’s summer is watching the RV caravan go by. They wait for them in anticipation and wave as other people go off on their adventures. I am not sure if Gilbert has any dreams of his own. He’s probably like 24 and he’s already given up on life. 

 

One of the RVs breaks down and he meets Becky. In her he sees what freedom looks like and he wants it. 

 

When he asks his married girlfriend why she chose him, she says, “Because I knew you’d never leave.” That’s the last thing he wants to hear. I think that stabs him in the heart, but he stopped being able to dream when his dad killed himself when Gilbert was a child and Gilbert stepped up to be the man of the house.

 

These types of invitations happen all the time. When we take the safe, known, expected path, which is what we do most of the time, nothing much changes. 

 

It’s like, “Today I will have the same routine that I did yesterday.”  Not so exciting, eh? 

 

Maybe nothing bad happens, but nothing different happens either - which is just how some people like it. And that’s totally cool, because if it were different every day, life would be chaotic, so a balance of stability and change is good.

 

So any Hobbit fans out there? When Gandalf and 12 dwarves show up at Bilbo’s door, he was not expecting one guest, let alone 13. He was just trying to have dinner when he learns that they were going on a quest for gold and need a burglar. Bilbo wants nothing to do with it and turns it down. Then, after thinking about it, despite having no burglar skills at all and not knowing anyone, he chooses to do it. And he gets into and out of a lot of trouble. He earns the respect of his companions and becomes a part of their stories, too. He belongs. He knows his worth. He gets some gold in the end, but that’s besides the point. Everything else he gains is worth far more. 

 

Breaking Bad was a popular tv series about a high school chemistry teacher who finds out he has cancer and it’s inoperable. His family is struggling. He can’t afford treatment. He’s going to leave behind a disabled son. He’s thinking about all this when he hears the call to adventure to use his chemistry skills to make and sell meth and solve all his financial problems. 

 

See what I mean? It’s a life changing moment. Sometimes we know that once we step out that door, we can’t go back. And sometimes we don’t, but it’s always a turning point. It’s always a rite of passage where we don’t return as the same person who left.

 

For me, belly dance was a call to adventure. Some people that I danced with had an “I always knew I wanted to be a belly dancer” story. I had zero interest in belly dance before I started taking lessons. I had seen one in Morocco, thought it was cool, and never gave it another thought. If you had said, “A year from now, that will be you,” I would have laughed in your face.

 

I was really into body building and after 3 car accidents, I just couldn’t do it anymore, but I was addicted. I had to do something physically challenging, but gentle. I absolutely didn’t see myself in ballet or ballroom, but belly dancing didn’t sound objectionable. 

 

I still had no interest in performing. I thought it might be good exercise. I was still very shy then and the idea of being on stage in a skimpy costuming wiggling in front of strangers was not my cup of tea at all. But then someone asked me to perform at an Afghan/Egyptian wedding. I tried to refer my teacher, but they wanted me because they wanted to feel like they were at home and I looked like an around the way girl. That appealed to my heart, so, I said yes.

 

That was a call. My life changed completely the moment I stepped out on that stage. Number one, I overcame a lot of my shyness by getting on stage. I traveled, taught, sponsored events, became an importer, and did all kinds of things I never would have otherwise happened had I not said yes. It was an amazing 16 year long adventure that utterly changed my life.

 

Doing this podcast was a call to adventure. I had just come back from a spiritual tour to Chaco Canyon. Those trips are always such a high. When I return, I always want to share that feeling with others, but they are not for everyone. I’ve been doing them for over twenty years and they get deeper and deeper with each trip, and so I knew that I had to come up with some type of entry level thing to help people get their feet wet before jumping into the deep end. 

 

I actually started a different podcast. I did a few episodes of that, and it wasn’t hitting that sweet spot. I was talking to someone about what the tours really do and how can people prepare for the magic of a tour, and we hit on it. It was just to let go.

 

When it’s right, you know it. It’s a gut instinct. So the call isn’t always clear. Sometimes it’s just a feeling of “I have to do something.” Sometimes it’s a very small voice that you have to pay attention to before it fades away. Some need a lot of nurturing. Some hit you over the head with clarity. Some won’t be ignored and will chase you down. They are different for different people and show up differently at different times. 

 

It takes a lot of trust to step out with that level of uncertainty and yet, like you saw in The Hobbit, Schindler’s List, and Star Wars, you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

When people come with me on my spiritual tours, that can set up a call to adventure for them. They go, experience something totally different, and come back changed. The call then is the small, niggling feeling of dissatisfaction to go back inside the narrow box that they were comfortable in before. So it’s that “do I stay or do I go?” question again.

 

Do I stay small and predictable and fit in, or do I break out and be that girl I was on tour? I could lose my friends, house, partner, family, career, and there is no guarantee of what I would gain. Maybe it’s peaceful, comfortable, and more real, or maybe it’s just  miserable, lonely, and hard. Who knows, but when you know you can’t stay the same, you just know something has to change.

 

Or not. I know someone who has been riding the fence for a while now. He knows something has to change. He gets more and more unsatisfied with every passing day, but he keeps justifying all the reasons why he’s maintaining the status quo. There is a pension, health insurance, family traditions, routine, stability, expectations, all those things that make sense on paper, and yet his heart is aching every day that he’s not free. He’s seen what it can look like, and he wants it. But he can’t pull the trigger and say yes.

 

Another way that this can show up, and this is especially common for women, is that we did heed the call. We did do our thing, then we got married or took a job, and somehow we lost ourselves along the way. Maybe we got into the routine of doing the job and our lives became about that. Or maybe the relationship became the most important thing, and we felt we had to compromise and be a good partner. And along the way, we lost all the things that made us feel alive and valuable. It could be that we don’t even remember what those things were anymore. So now, maybe it just feels like we’re surviving instead of living.

 

So there is not just one call. Remember, life’s a circle. If we’re living fully, it will come again and again. You can live in a  circle, repeating the same things over and over again, or it’s a spiral and each time you experience a rebirth, it’s actually as a new person with new experiences, skills, perspective, and maturity rather than doing a Groundhog Day thing.

 

So if you are on the feeling stagnant, stale, and lost, or are on the threshold of change, my question is, “Are you willing to let go of the things that aren’t you, so you can become your true self?

 

Let’s see what the American poet Charles Bukowski says about it because this is one of my favorite poems of all time. It’s called Go All the Way.

 

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise, don’t even start.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe even your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days.

It could mean freezing on a park bench.

It could mean jail.

It could mean derision, mockery, isolation.

Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.

And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. All the way

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

It’s the only good fight there is.

 

Consider this a podcast an invitation to blossom into your adult self.

 

Say yes to the adventure of filling out your big boy shoes or big girl pants, and go all the way. It’s up to you. Nobody can give this to you. Nobody can do it for you. You have to fight for you. This is what you signed up for when you came to planet Earth.

 

I’m throwing down the gauntlet to let your inner child fly - I’m talking about the free, creative, imaginative, innocent side. Let that part lead you to the cliff where you can jump into the unknown and trust that you will land safely on the other side. We need that rite of passage to become adults, to blossom into who we are, and sometimes to prove to ourselves who we are or find ourselves again.

 

If you need some help with that, that’s what my new 90 day challenge in the Let It Go Now Community is all about. So, once the call to adventure comes, that’s when the meeting with the mentor happens. For Bilbo, that’s Gandalf. For Tony in West Side Story, it’s the storekeeper. For Luke Skywalker, it’s Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda is another one. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy’s mentor is Glinda the Good Witch. 

 

When I was younger, I heard the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” and I believed that. I kept waiting and wondering why I wasn’t worthy or ready. Then somewhere along the way, I realized that my teacher isn’t someone who is going to tell me what to do, nor did I want that type of teacher. I wanted someone who would help me be more authentic, not to think like they think and do what they do.

 

And I realize I have been guided all along by my parents, my ancestors, my spirit guides, and Nature. You have access to that too. We all just have to pay attention.

 

But if you don’t have healthy parents, elders, a connection to your ancestors, can’t hear or trust your guides yet, and don’t know what Nature is saying, I am happy to walk alongside you until you do.

I have to warn you, though. You may feel a bit like Daniel from the Karate Kid in the beginning - with “Paint the fence” and “Wax on wax off.” If may feel like goofing off in the beginning. That’s intentional to get your right and left hemispheres of your brain working together, to make learning easier and fun, and to expand your curiosity and intuition. You’re not going to be able to tap into the higher level mentors like Nature and the spirit realm without your right brain being on board.

 

I am working with a new client who wanted a different approach. He was definitely willing to go rogue, but about 5 or 6 weeks in, he said he wasn’t sure that it was working. I thanked him for his candor and asked him to give it a little longer. The next week, it all clicked for him and he felt a lot better, more grounded. He felt hopeful, was sleeping better, and was seeing bright spots where there weren’t any before.

 

Now everyone is different. It may click for you right away. I won’t say he was “cured” - not by a long shot. But in the group, I’m approaching everyone as if you are at the threshold of death and have to rebuild from the ground up.

 

I think we are at a crisis stage culturally where that is absolutely true. The generations of dysfunctional adults rearing dysfunctional kids has resulted in a culture that is unsustainable. We have to start over. So, I apologize to those who have the basics down, but it will still be an entertaining ride to review some things. 

 

The big thing, though is that by the end of 90 days, you will have more than a clue. You will have a strong foundation to say yes to your call to adventure and feel confident that you can see whatever is ahead of you through. 

 

Living an authentic, awakened life is a lifelong call to adventure, in my opinion, where you show up every day. Everybody needs help sometimes. And if that time is now, I’m here for you.

 

Our stuck patterns don’t have to stay stuck. Our past doesn’t have to be our future. Being savage is about learning how to work with our nature instead of against it. Really. It’s that easy. The more natural you become, the easily life flows. I promise you.

 

Alrighty, guys. I appreciate you tuning in. If you like the show, please review it. Share it with your friends, and subscribe, so you get notified when the next episode posts. You don’t want to miss it, right? And if you are ready to take that 90 day challenge, click on the link in the show notes and let’s get started. 

 

And if you have already embarked on a call to adventure and want to share it, tell me about it in the comments. I’d love to hear about it. See you next week. Ciao.